Relationships are all about common ground. Men and women who chose to be in committed relationships do so because the share plenty of things in common with their significant other, whether it be ideals, beliefs, background, goals, or even just the same hobbies and interests.
But the one thing that never bridges the gap between men and women in relationships is sports.
It’s just the way it is, and all men have been there. He’ll want to watch a big playoff game between two heated rivals, and she’ll be bored out of her mind and wondering what all the fuss is about. He’ll check out every book written on his favorite team and read them cover to cover, and she’ll wonder why he can’t do the same thing for classic literature.
Men and women are just wired differently. Most men grew up watching and playing sports, and have sports’ significant ingrained in them. Most women never had that same type of upbringing, so it’s almost impossible for some women to have the same passion for sports as their significant other. Sure, some couples have their favorite sports teams, and some women are big enough fans that they’ll buy team merchandise, go to a couple games, and recite the starting lineup of his favorite team. But deep down men know that there won’t be that common fervor between them about sports.
My fiancé and I are much the same way. Don’t get me wrong, she loves the Blazers; she owns a couple jerseys, watches every game with me, and has gone to a few games. But whereas to me, sports is a way of life, to her sports is a hobby. She enjoys it, but doesn’t invest herself emotionally in it like I do. To her, it’s entertainment, no more so than any other show on TV.
So earlier this summer when the two of us resolved to do something athletic every day, at first we were at an impasse. Basketball was out, as my competitive nature quickly turned games of HORSE ugly. Football was out because she couldn’t throw. Golf was out because I was awful. We needed something that allowed us to be on a level playing field, something that both of us could enjoy. So we found tennis.
Before this summer, I had played tennis maybe twice in my whole life, and hadn’t touched a racket in years. She hadn’t played very much either, so we thought “if we’re going to suck at this, then at least we’re both going to be equally bad.”
Every couple of days we would grab our gear and head out to the nearest tennis courts around sunset to get in a few games. At first, things were rocky. Three straight serves into the net. Tennis balls that rocket over the fence. Multiple utterances of “my bad,” “I’ll get it,” and “let’s try that again.” And that was just from me.
But things started to smooth out the more we got accustomed to the game. We would volley back and forth, initially more concerned with keeping the game going rather than trying to win. We would talk about strategies, I taught her how to keep score (how many games in a set, sets in a match, what “deuce” meant), and every so often we’d try to keep the ball in the air as long as we could.
We would also talk about our days and our plans for the future as we played. We’d joke around, we’d laugh, and we’d make fun of each other.
Our tennis games became our common ground, the place where the athletic side met the fun social side. I had never been a fan of tennis – watching or playing – prior to this summer, but our games together became a highlight of the week. I could still be competitive, but the game was still relaxing and fun enough that we both enjoyed it.
I thought, “how crazy is this, to have my fiancé enjoying sports so much?” But I realized over time that it wasn’t about sports, it was about us spending time together. This as a girl who would watch any sports movie I suggested, with little or no complaint, a girl who would let me ramble to her about Brandon Roy’s contract negotiations, a girl who would read me sports trivia questions when we were bored.
Does she do all that because she’s a huge fan? Maybe, but it’s more about the two of us being able to spend time and have fun together. The more I thought about it, each time we had done something sports-related, more often that not we followed it by doing something she wanted to do.
I can’t even explain how lucky I felt. My fiancé acknowledges my passion for sports and takes part in it – so long as I remember to acknowledge and take part in her passions, too. Our games of tennis this summer helped me understand that.
Sports might never be a complete common ground for men and women in committed relationships, but it can still be something to share, and it’s a great feeling when you can get the girl you love to get excited over at least one of your teams. Just make it mutual; maybe share in some of her favorite activities once in a while. Because while a man might have his passion for sports, his significant other’s equal passion is in something else. If you understand what she’s all about, she’ll begin to understand how you love sports so much.
So help her in her pastimes, too. Maybe after that, she’ll sit down next to you during a baseball game and ask you what a slider is.
Hold on to that one.
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