World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams: Baseball Winner

Rules and Overview
First Round
Semifinals
Championship game matchup

Now it all comes down to this. The Angels vs the Indians. The winner is crowned as the greatest fictional baseball team of all time.

Naturally, this was the hardest one to choose. Both of these teams were lousy at one point, but ended up winning the American League pennant because something inspired them to believe. The Angels had the help of real angels to propel them to victory, then when the angels abandoned the team, it was the belief of a little orphan boy who inspired them to win the pennant on their own. The Indians were put together because the owner thought they would be so bad that attendance would drop and she could move the team to Miami. When the team caught wind of this plan, they were determined to prove her, and the rest of the baseball world, wrong. A team of has-been's and a couple of never-will-be's went on an inspired late season run and won the pennant on a bunt-and run.

How do you choose between the two?

Readers, you voted, you gave me the reasons, you decided. Here now, is your winner:

#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)
Vs
#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)
Winner: Indians
The divine angels, per the rules set down by Christopher Lloyd, could not interfere with the championship game, so the California Angels needed to do it on their own. The problem for them is that this would be their first game in months that they had to play with their own abilities, while the Indians have been betting better and better with every game. After relying on angels to do most of their work, the Angels team doesn't remember how to properly swing a bat, how to execute a double-play, and Mel Clark (Tony Danza) can't throw more than 84 MPH. The Angels are exposed for the awful athletes that they really are.

Meanwhile, the Indians have everything working in their favor. They have homefield advantage, where the fans will be singing "Wild Thing" instead of waving their arms like angel wings. They have players who have developing their natural talent all season and are peaking in this game. They have a power hitter who can finally hit a curveball, a third baseman who is finally winning to dive for grounders, and a closer whose stuff tops out at 101 MPH. The Indians are just too good.

The kid tries to stand up on the edge of the dugout and wave angel wings to inspire the Angels, but is hit by a foul ball off the bat of Willie Mays Hayes and nurses a mean shiner for the rest of the night. Angels manager George Knox is eventually tossed out for arguing a play at second, and the Indians go on to win easily and take home the championship. Jake Taylor gets the girl, Knox adopts the kids out of simpathy, and both teams go on to make crappy sequels.

After the game, the kid asks Al the Angel "Why? How come the angels didn't help out the Angels against these voodoo-worshiping, wife-stealing players?"

"It's simple," Al replies. "Because it's more important to learn to do it on your own that wait for a magical handout. Didn't you learn anything from what I said? Plus, He doesn't really care which team wins or loses, he's more focused on important things, like trying to keep the Universe and Existence from ripping apart."

The Indians win it! The Indians win it! Oh my God the Indians win it!


My big thanks to everyone who participated in this series, I had a blast. I can't wait to do it all again in the future with football and basketball. But remember, this concept doesn't just end because the baseball tourney is over. That's the great thing about this debate, there are so many movies, each with different teams and different arguments for and against, that something like this can go on forever. That's the beauty of these fictional teams: you never know what could happen when they face off, and that's why we talk about it.

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner for greatest fictional baseball team of all-time: The Cleveland Indians from "Major League"!

World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams: Baseball Championship Game

Rules and Overview
First Round
Semifinals

And now it's down to two.

It was a hard-fought battle, but in the end, you readers decided which two teams would meet in the baseball Championship Game of the World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams. But before we get to the matchup, we need to take a look at the results.

#1 Ghosts from Ray’s Cornfield (Field of Dreams)
Vs
#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)
Winner: Angels
This was the toughest to call. Both teams have supernatural elements working on their side. One team was the ghosts of some of the most talented players of all time, while the other team was guided by divine intervention. However, it seemed like the Ghosts had been placed in a sort of purgatory for their gambling crimes; they weren't in hell, but they weren't in heaven, they were in Iowa. Meanwhile, God and His Angels were directly aiding the California Angels to victory. The main reason that the Angels win is because they are in it to win it, while the Ghosts are happy just to be playing baseball for all eternity, and don't care if they win or lose. The Ghosts already screwed up once by throwing the 1919 World Series; they're not going to ruin their chances to keep playing baseball by beating a team playing for a little orphan kid. It's an enjoyable game, and all six people in attendance loved the competition, but in the end, the Angels have the edge.

#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)
Vs
#4 Sandlot Kids (The Sandlot)
Winner: Indians
The Sandlot kids have heart, but let's face it, they're just kids! They're going to be too shocked to be in the presence of MLB players to even put up a real fight. Ham is able to talk trash to distract Ceranno in the first few plate appearances, but then Jake Taylor does it right back when Ham comes up to the plate. All of the kids are too afraid to step into the box to face Vaughn's heat, and gladly allow themselves to be called can't-hack-it-pantywaists for it. The ghost of Babe Ruth, Wendy Peffercorn's attention, and Dennis Leary's guidance don't do a thing to inspire the kids, as they stand no chance against an Indians team too big, too tough, and to inspired to win the whole f'n thing to spite their owner. After a severe pummling, the Sandlot kids head to the pool after five innings.


My thanks to everyone who participated! Now, it all comes down to this.

Baseball Championship Game

#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)
Vs
#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)

Keep in mind, there are certain things to consider in this game. The Angels will no longer have divine intervention, as Christopher Lloyd wants the Angels team to learn to do it on their own. The game will also be played in Cleveland, where the hungry fanbase will be going crazy for the Indians to try to end their long championship drought. Other than that, the same basic rules of the Tournament apply. Not only do you have to pick a winner, you have to tell me why they'd win. Make a comment or e-mail me your thoughts at stevensandberg@hotmail.com

Two major league teams, two former laughingstocks, two great movies, one championship on the line. Who will be crowned the greatest fictional baseball team of all time? Again, readers, the decision is yours.

Choose wisely.

World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams: Baseball first round results & semifinal bracket

Rules and Overview
First Round

You voted, you gave me reasons, and now we finally have our semifinalists! These outcomes were determined by you, the readers:

#1 Ghosts from Ray’s Cornfield (Field of Dreams)
Vs
#8 Rockford Peaches (A League of Their Own)
Winner: Ghosts
This one isn’t even close. And while I may not have been happy with some of the blatant bashing of women’s sports in the comments, it was just too obvious that the Ghosts had a lot more talent. That “pitching” that was supposedly the Peaches’ strength? Kevin Costner’s batting practice pitches were more potent. The lead gets so big that “Moonlight” Graham comes in to bat. With Terrance Mann on the sidelines expounding on the importance of baseball, Shoeless Joe and the Ghosts cruise to an easy victory on the Iowa Cornfield.

#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)
Vs
#6 Durham Bulls (Bull Durham)
Winner: Angels
You don’t bet against God or little kids. The Bulls’ Davis and (Robbins) are too busy chasing after Susan Sarandon to really care about a meaningless exhibition, and God favors the wholesome. Christopher Lloyd provided the Angels with some great defensive plays, Joseph Gordon Levitt gets adopted by Danny Glover, and the Angels send the Bulls back down to the minors.

#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)
Vs
#7 Chicago Cubs (Rookie of the Year)
Winner: Indians
Unfortunately for Henry "The Kid" Rowngartner", the one pitch he can throw is the one pitch Ceranno can hit. Ceranno has a field day and hits three home runs. When Rowengartner comes up to bat, he tries to use the “pitcher’s got a big butt” line on Ricky Vaughn, who proceeds to throw a 97 MPH fastball to the kid’s temple. Once the runs start to pile up, Busey goes off the deep end and murders Daniel Stern in the dugout. Willie Mays Hays (the Snipes version) steals nine bases and scores from first on a bunt from Taylor after the Cubs defense quits on the team in retaliation for bringing in a kid.

#4 Sandlot kids
Vs
#5 Hardball kids
Winner: Sandlot kids
This one was back and forth. At the beginning of the game, only Benny can get on the basepaths for the Sandlot kids, and he keeps getting stranded as the Hardball pitcher continually strikes out the side as Biggie Smalls bumps in his headphones. The Hardball team gets a big lead through five innings. Then, the Sandlot kids decide to pull out the big guns. They get the Beast to sit near the third base line as a mascot, which scares the living daylights out of the Hardball kids. Ham and Yeah-Yeah start talking trash from the dugout, which distracts the Hardball pitcher enough to put some runners on in front of Benny, who is inspired by the ghost of Babe Ruth to hit an inside the park home run. Plus, Coach Keanu’s gambling habit flares up again. He bets on the Sandlot kids, and then forfeits the game in order to get the payout. Diane Lane is not impressed, and proceeds to go make out with Mr. Mertle in retaliation.


Thank you to everyone who participated! Here were a few of my favorite reader comments:
-"There is no better groupie than Al the Angel. Plus, Christopher Lloyd has much better hair than Susan Sarandon," -Bryan Navarro.
-(On the ending of Rookie of the Year) "Come on, the kid saw his mom in the upper deck and she told him to throw an underhand pitch and it worked. How unrealistic is that? Come on," -Stephen Hobbs
-"Even the over-the-hill ghost will K Geena Davis," -Mark Nelson
-"With Cerrano and his voodo, the kid will be dreaming that he is pitching naked in front of a sold out crowd," -Alex Kunkle
-"As much as I love the Sandlot kids, they only have one black guy, Hardball kids have nine. Athleticism always wins at this age," -Kevin O'Brien


So now, that takes us to the semifinals, where our bracket looks like this:

#1 Ghosts from Ray's Cornfield (Field of Dreams)
Vs
#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)

#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)
Vs.
#4 Sandlot Kids (The Sandlot)


Once again, it's up to you, the readers, to determine who moves on to become the greatest fictional baseball team of all time. Remember, it's more than a popularity contest; you actully have to tell me reasons why you think one team would beat the other. Please leave a comment or e-mail me your reasons at stevensandberg@hotmail.com, and we can decide who moves on to the Championship Game!

World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams: Baseball bracket round 1

OK, here are the first round brackets for the baseball tourney of the World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams.

Here's what you have to do: Comment or e-mail me (stevensandberg@hotmail.com) your reasons for picking the winner in each matchup. Make sure that your reasons are more than just "I like the movie better." Give me a legitimate, baseball or movie-oriented reason why a particular team would defeat the other in a baseball game.

Remember, the worlds of the movies still apply. In other words, if a particular team was helped by a certain supernatural element, that also comes into play during this matchup (unless, in your breakdown, you can find a compelling or entertaining reason to take it out).

So read over the matchups, analyze the teams and players, and get me your reasons for picking the winners.

The matchups are as follows:

#1 Ghosts from Ray’s Cornfield (Field of Dreams)
Vs
#8 Rockford Peaches (A League Of Their Own)
Yes, I know that technically the Ghosts were based on the 1919 Chicago Black Sox, however, I feel bad excluding them from this contest. Plus, various aspects of the team, from Shoeless Joe Jackson batting righty in the movie (he was really a lefty) and the inclusion of young Doctor kid, means that there’s enough fictional elements to put the Ghosts in.

About the Ghosts:Shoeless Joe was described in the movie as the greatest hitter who ever lived, and he hit homer after homer in that Iowa Cornfield. Even sent a liner back at Kevin Costner for trying to throw a curve. Ghosts didn’t really show a whole lot of pitching. There seemed to be one guy who was way past his prime doing most of the work from the bump. (That’s something that always bugged me about Field of Dreams – how come Shoeless Joe’s ghost was totally in its prime, yet every other player seemed over the hill?) It’s safe to assume that there were some high run totals in that cornfield.

About the Peaches: The most dominant and popular team in the All-American Girls Baseball League. Geena Davis swung a mean bat, but didn’t get much help from a lineup that included Rosie O’Donnell (no way she hits a breaking ball) and Madonna. For the Peaches, considering that there wasn’t much in the way of batting, you’d have to think that it was pitching and defense that carried them. They were helmed by Tom Hank’s immortal Jimmy Dugan, a former major leaguer who didn’t put up with any nonsense (“there’s no crying in baseball!”). The Peaches have a definite edge in coaching.


#3 California Angels (Angels in the Outfield)
Vs
#6 Durham Bulls (Bull Durham)
Ahh yes, the most family-friendly baseball team against a team more concerned with scoring with Susan Sarandon.

About the Angels: At first glance, The Angels don’t really have a whole lot of power outside of Mitchell. Still, Mitchell seems like your typical Russell Branyan type who’ll give you 30 homers and not much else. Adrien Brody’s Danny Hemmerling was formerly a utility infielder, but lo and behold, angels gave him an edge at the place, so much so that he actually pinch hit for the power hitter Mitchell. The Angels’ main plate strategy: swing away, and let divine intervention do the rest. Tony Danza is the Angels’ ace. Even with the spirit of God shining down on him, there’s no way his body holds up over the course of the season. He’s a Jamie Moyer type, good for a 11-13 record and an ERA around 6.50. Skipper George Knox. Even in a Disneyfied world, he’s not above punching the play-by-play announcer on live television or cursing out his players in the locker room. Plus, he recognizes a good opportunity when he sees one: his season is already out of reach, so why not listen to the orphan boy who says he sees angels?

About the Bulls: Crash Davis is the main threat for the Bulls. He’s a career minor-leaguer, which means that he must’ve had numbers that were good for Triple-A but not quite good enough for a call-up. Let’s say 10 HR, .270 AVG with Durham. Again, there’s a reason this guy never made it to the big leagues. Meanwhile, Tim Robbins’ character Nuke LaLoosh is the top pitching prospect for the Bulls, and major league clubs are breathing down his neck. Plus, he’s got a great battery mate in Davis, who knows how to call a game.


#2 Cleveland Indians (Major League)
Vs
#7 Chicago Cubs (Rookie of the Year)
Two major league clubs with abysmal reputations go head to head. One team was intentionally built with the league's worst players ("Mitchell Friedman?") One team has a flamethrowing kid on the mound. Which one moves on to break the curse?

About the Indians: The Indians have one of the best power hitters in cinema history, Pedro Ceranno. He was good for about 40+ home runs, and could hit them a mile. But if you give him something off-speed, he’s completely useless, probably striking out 170 times in the season. Willie Mays Hayes had the speed to reach base on an infield hit, so long as he focused enough to stop trying to hit home runs. Roger Dorn was once a decent contact hitter, but his skills have deteriorated, and Jake Taylor is on his last legs after a once-productive career. But all they need is one game. The starting pitching for the Indians left something to be desired. Harris was the typical aging starter, but could be productive for a few innings by wiping foreign substances on the ball. Wild Thing Rick Vaughn has great velocity, but is prone to control issues if things don’t immediately go his way.

About the Cubs: For the Cubs The Kid could thrown in the 100s easily and overwhelm batters. But correct me if I’m wrong, did the kid ever throw anything other than a fastball? Eventually, hitters are going to know what’s coming. The ace of that team was Gary Busey. Gary freaking Busey. ‘Nuff said. As for coaching, all the Cubs' coach did was agree to let a kid pitch for the team. Way to throw the rest of your team under the bus. “Season’s over guys! You suck so much that we’re bringing in a 12-year-old!”


#4 Sandlot kids
Vs
#5 Hardball kids
Which one better personifies the youthfulness of the game, the talented team from the city, or the ragtag group from the sandlot? For that matter, which team was more talented?

About the Sandlot kids: From reader Anthony A.: "Clearly the leader of this team is Benjamin "The Jet" Franklin Rodriguez. The guy can play D and hit with the prowess of a 16 year old, but his best attribute is his lighting quicks. Whether its getting out of a pickle or running from the monster, this guy is sure to beat you with his speed. Plus the guy made it to the majors, which is living proof that he is a tween superstar on the diamond. Next up is Hamilton "Ham" Porter. He is the Yogi Bera of this team. He is an adept catcher with staying home run power, but he most remembered most for his classic one liners. Whether its getting into the pretty-boy baseball teams head or berating the weakest member of the Sandlot team (Scotty Smalls),"
Still, there were some holes on the team. DeNunez couldn't pitch (he even gave up a home run to Smalls). Speaking of Smalls, the kid was basically there out of charity. As Anthony A. put it "he failed at boyhood."

About the Hardball kids: Let's face it, Keanu Reeves is not coaching any team to glory by himself, which makes me believe that there had to be a lot of hidden talent on that team waiting to come out. The Hardball kids were dominant on the mound, as their ace was in a zone whenever "Big Poppa" played on his headphones. He couldn't concentrate without the song, though.


So there you have it, the baseball bracket. Now it's up to you. Get me your compelling reasons for the winning teams, and I will take all of them into consideration before the winners are announced. You can't just vote for a team, you need to give me a reason why one team would beat another at a baseball game.

Play ball.

Settling the debate once and for all with fictional sports teams

One of my favorite Web sites is What If Sports, where you can pick any team from any year in any of the major sports and pit them against each other in a simulated matchup.

You can send out the Murderer's Row 1927 Yankees against the 2001 Detroit Tigers and see just how one-sided the score will be. You can match Shaq's 2000 Lakers championship team against the 1996, 72-win Chicago Bulls. Any team, any era, and you can see how it would all play out with a generated play-by-play and box score.

I recently had the 1991 Portland Trail Blazers face off against the 2000 Los Angeles Lakers, at the Staples Center, in order to see if the most talented Blazer team of all-time could get revenge on the heartbreak Portland suffered from the 2000 Western Conference Finals.

Final Score: Blazers 112, Lakers 109.

The Blazers trailed heading into the 4th quarter, got got a balanced attack from Terry Porter, Cliff Robinson, and Danny Ainge to pull out the win. Seven Blazers scored in double figures, led by Porter's 23 points.

But as fun as the site is, I wanted to take it a step further. Sure, it's exciting to take classic teams from different eras and see how they'd perform against one another, but most of the science behind the concept is only based on statistics. I want to create a sports simulation that is based solely on pure speculation. No hard facts, no stat sheets, no PER.

Impossible to do with sports teams, you say? I totally agree. That's why we cut out the "factual" aspects of sports and go straight to the only avenue that will work: movie sports teams.

Welcome to the World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams!

We're going to take the teams from various movies and have them face off. Let's see the Indians from "Major League" go up against the Angels from "Angels in the Outfield," with or without divine intervention. How about Nick Nolte's "Blue Chips" against the Whoopi Goldberg-coached Knicks from "Eddie?" The cocaine-addicted Sharks from "Any Given Sunday" vs the Convicts from the original "Longest Yard?"

And the best part of all? It's anyone's game. There are no real stats to fall back on, only generalized ideas of how well certain players would have done in that season, based on what was said in the movie. There's no historical data, only arguments from each fan based on any wild speculation.

For example, you could reasonably infer that Pedro Ceranno hit 40 home runs, but also struck out 170 times, and had an awful on-base percentage. You could also venture a guess that Teen Wolf had to average nearly 50 points a game to keep his team in contention, based on the lack of talent showcased around him in the movie.

So here's the plan:
1. We're going to create three divisions (baseball, basketball, and football) and send out eight teams in each bracket.
2. Once those teams are matched up, it will be based on reader arguments whether or not the team will advance.
3. Again, the arguments can come from anywhere; maybe God abandons the Angels right before the big game, forcing them to use their own talent (and again, you must argue as to why it will happen).
4. The most compelling/entertaining/highest number or reader arguments one way or another will help the tea advance to the next round. It isn't enough to just vote one way or another, you have to say why.
5. As wild as the arguments can be, they must also be based on what can be seen in the movie. Roy Hobbs was a great hitter, but he never seemed to have any help in the lineup. The T.C. Williams Titans from "Remember the Titans" never ran the ball. Ever. Things like that need to be factored in.
6. Standard rules of the sports apply. If the team was known for cheating, the refs will see it. Sorry Toon Squad, you risk fouling out if you drop too many anvils.
7. Unless a very strong argument is made, teams from TV shows and books will not be considered.
8. Also, please limit the choices to fictional teams that were made up for the movie. The only exception is in the football bracket, because most of the best football movies were based on real teams. So Pride of the Yankees is out, but Friday Night Lights is OK.

Before the brackets can be made, we need to settle on the teams involved. Feel free to e-mail me your suggestions (stevensandberg@hotmail.com), along with arguments as to why they should be included. Don't just send me names of movies, I've already done enough research like that. Send me your team, plus some sort of analysis as to what makes them run, their strengths and weaknesses, and any wild card aspects.

Once the brackets are made, we'll run the tournament! Baseball will be first, followed by basketball and football. But it starts with you. Again, send me your suggestions of teams to include in each bracket, and we can go from there.

I'll see if I can arrange Bob Costas and Ranch Wilder to host the opening ceremonies.