One of my favorite Web sites is What If Sports, where you can pick any team from any year in any of the major sports and pit them against each other in a simulated matchup.
You can send out the Murderer's Row 1927 Yankees against the 2001 Detroit Tigers and see just how one-sided the score will be. You can match Shaq's 2000 Lakers championship team against the 1996, 72-win Chicago Bulls. Any team, any era, and you can see how it would all play out with a generated play-by-play and box score.
I recently had the 1991 Portland Trail Blazers face off against the 2000 Los Angeles Lakers, at the Staples Center, in order to see if the most talented Blazer team of all-time could get revenge on the heartbreak Portland suffered from the 2000 Western Conference Finals.
Final Score: Blazers 112, Lakers 109.
The Blazers trailed heading into the 4th quarter, got got a balanced attack from Terry Porter, Cliff Robinson, and Danny Ainge to pull out the win. Seven Blazers scored in double figures, led by Porter's 23 points.
But as fun as the site is, I wanted to take it a step further. Sure, it's exciting to take classic teams from different eras and see how they'd perform against one another, but most of the science behind the concept is only based on statistics. I want to create a sports simulation that is based solely on pure speculation. No hard facts, no stat sheets, no PER.
Impossible to do with sports teams, you say? I totally agree. That's why we cut out the "factual" aspects of sports and go straight to the only avenue that will work: movie sports teams.
Welcome to the World Championships of Fictional Sports Teams!
We're going to take the teams from various movies and have them face off. Let's see the Indians from "Major League" go up against the Angels from "Angels in the Outfield," with or without divine intervention. How about Nick Nolte's "Blue Chips" against the Whoopi Goldberg-coached Knicks from "Eddie?" The cocaine-addicted Sharks from "Any Given Sunday" vs the Convicts from the original "Longest Yard?"
And the best part of all? It's anyone's game. There are no real stats to fall back on, only generalized ideas of how well certain players would have done in that season, based on what was said in the movie. There's no historical data, only arguments from each fan based on any wild speculation.
For example, you could reasonably infer that Pedro Ceranno hit 40 home runs, but also struck out 170 times, and had an awful on-base percentage. You could also venture a guess that Teen Wolf had to average nearly 50 points a game to keep his team in contention, based on the lack of talent showcased around him in the movie.
So here's the plan:
1. We're going to create three divisions (baseball, basketball, and football) and send out eight teams in each bracket.
2. Once those teams are matched up, it will be based on reader arguments whether or not the team will advance.
3. Again, the arguments can come from anywhere; maybe God abandons the Angels right before the big game, forcing them to use their own talent (and again, you must argue as to why it will happen).
4. The most compelling/entertaining/highest number or reader arguments one way or another will help the tea advance to the next round. It isn't enough to just vote one way or another, you have to say why.
5. As wild as the arguments can be, they must also be based on what can be seen in the movie. Roy Hobbs was a great hitter, but he never seemed to have any help in the lineup. The T.C. Williams Titans from "Remember the Titans" never ran the ball. Ever. Things like that need to be factored in.
6. Standard rules of the sports apply. If the team was known for cheating, the refs will see it. Sorry Toon Squad, you risk fouling out if you drop too many anvils.
7. Unless a very strong argument is made, teams from TV shows and books will not be considered.
8. Also, please limit the choices to fictional teams that were made up for the movie. The only exception is in the football bracket, because most of the best football movies were based on real teams. So Pride of the Yankees is out, but Friday Night Lights is OK.
Before the brackets can be made, we need to settle on the teams involved. Feel free to e-mail me your suggestions (stevensandberg@hotmail.com), along with arguments as to why they should be included. Don't just send me names of movies, I've already done enough research like that. Send me your team, plus some sort of analysis as to what makes them run, their strengths and weaknesses, and any wild card aspects.
Once the brackets are made, we'll run the tournament! Baseball will be first, followed by basketball and football. But it starts with you. Again, send me your suggestions of teams to include in each bracket, and we can go from there.
I'll see if I can arrange Bob Costas and Ranch Wilder to host the opening ceremonies.
3 comments:
Well for baseball, the first team you have to include has to be the boys from "The Sandlot". There has never been a baseball movie that has involved the love of the game so much, and it gave us tons of classic lines.
The reason I have everyone's favorite baseball playing kids is simple. They play because they love the game. How many major leaguers play the game just for the cash? These kids are there are on the diamond every day of the summer. They are all like 12 year old Cal Ripkens. Finding heart and passion like that for the game is hard to find.
As for a scouting report, clearly the leader of this team is Benjamin "The Jet" Franklin Rodriguez. The guy can play D and hit with the prowess of a 16 year old, but his best atribute is his lighting quicks. Whether its getting out of a pickle or running from the monster, this guy is sure to beat you with his speed. Plus the guy made it to the majors, which is living proof that he is a tween superstar on the diamond.
Next up is Hamilton "Ham" Porter. He is the Yogi Bera of this team. He is an adept catcher with staying homerun power, but he most remembered most for his classic one liners. Whether its getting into the pretty-boy baseball teams head or berating the weakest member of the Sandlot team (Scotty Smalls), this guy always has something on his mind. I mean really, would this movie have even been remembered without the the lines like "Your killing me Smalls" or "You play ball like a girl!". While Benny might have been the best player, Ham is by far the most important.
While there are many other players on this team like Squints, Yeah-Yeah, and Repeat, they were mainly just the role players, the glue guys, the Robins to Benny and Ham's Batman. However, one more person does deserve mention, Scotty Smalls, since the whole movie is done from his point of view. Smalls was easily the weakest link on this team. he couldn't catch, didn't know who "Baby Ruth" was, and didn't know how to make a smore. Basically, Smalls failed at boyhood. However, like Kirk Herbstreit, Jon Barry, and Matt Millen, he was able to bring his terrible foray into the world of sports into a successful broadcasting career. So with Benny and Smalls both in the majors doing their respective careers, I would say that the percentage of successful kids coming out of the Sandlot is pretty high, so if you want your kids to make it to the majors, have them play in the Sandlot like these greats that have come before them.
Here are my suggestions:
Baseball: "Major League" Cleveland Indians (the best of all the fictional baseball teams, despite Cerrano's Rob Deer strikeout ability), Nagoya Chunichi Dragons from the Tom Selleck movie "Mr Baseball", Durham Bulls from "Bull Durham," The Keanu Reeves coached team from "Hardball," Chicago Cubs from "Rookie of the Year" (just for the sheer fact that Gary Busey was the ace).
Basketball: NY Knicks from "Eddie" (considering every actor was an NBA player), The Monstars from "Space Jam" (though they have no shooting), The high school team from "Above the Rim," Richmond High from "Coach Carter," the WNBA team from "Juwanna Mann."
Football: The college team from "The Program," The Miami Dolphins from "Ace Ventura," the team from "Gridiron Gang," the Sharks from "Any Given Sunday," and the Little Giants from "Little Giants."
Other sports: Pittsburgh Penguins from "Sudden Death" (they could play hockey despite their being a terrorist attack in the arena, the Big Green from "The Big Green."
Post a Comment