Five columns I won't be writing in October

• The genius of Terry Francona 

Muhammad Ali had the rope-a-dope. Terry Francona just makes the rest of Major League Baseball look like dopes.

At first, it wasn't an easy sell to Red Sox management. When team officials and coaches met in the now-legendary closed door meeting on September 4th, the topic was how to gain the most momentum heading into the playoffs. Theo Epstein suggested the starting pitching staff be rested, and Jonathan Papelbon get a few days off to be ready.

At one point, Francona stood up and bellowed to Epstien: "That's what everyone expects us to do."

Francona suggested that, instead of trying to gain momentum, the Red Sox just lull the rest of the American League into a false sense of security, then strike when no one expected it. What he proposed is that the Red Sox would look like they are collapsing - letting a 9-game lead disintegrate, letting pitchers drink beer in the clubhouse, and somehow keeping JD Drew on the roster. When other teams finally let their guards down, the Sox would turn it on and cruise past them.

The result of that clandestine meeting? An American League title.

•  Mayweather vs Merchant: A bout for the ages

Is it possible to be surprised and not surprised at the same time?

After his knockout of Victor Ortiz, Floyd Mayweather had been biding his time before naming his next opponent. Rumors began swirling, as they always do, that he would finally accept a bout against the only boxer left worth fighting: Manny Pacquiao.

 But no surprise, Mayweather ducked him again. But to everyone's surprise, his next opponent will be 80-year-old boxing analyst Larry Merchant.

"Larry doesn't know (expletive) about boxing," Mayweather said at a press conference. "I plan on showing him that firsthand in this fight. By the time it's over, he's going to be eating out of a tube."

"The joke's on him," Merchant cackled in reply. "I already eat out of a tube."

•  Ivy not so green for Fitzpatrick 

He wasn't just Ryan Fitzpatrick, he was "Harvard Graduate Ryan Fitzpatrick." And what a success story it was: a kid who went to one of the best schools in the nation somehow finds success. The odds against him seemed insurmountable.

But there was one thing his Ivy League pedigree couldn't overcome: the fact that it didn't exist.

Turns out, Fitzpatrick had been living a lie. An investigation by Yahoo! Sports revealed that Fitzpatrick had actually created a fake transcript. Not only did he not go to Harvard, he didn't even play football. The closest he came was playing Madden on XBOX live while drunkenly clicking through online classes at the University of Phoenix.

• 'Musical Chairs' declared in College Football

Conferences expanding and contracting. Teams switching sides one week and going back the next. Occasionally a football game breaks out. Finally, the NCAA is embracing it.

Starting in October, the NCAA will play Rock and Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter on a week-long loop, while schools travel in a circle across the country. When the music stops, each team needs to rush toward a conference. If you don't have a chair, you're out. And that's how things will be decided on a week-by-week basis.

One week could have Oregon in the SEC, Florida in the Pac-12, and poor little Texas left out, forced to play pickup football in the parking lot.

•  Cubs on a collision course with World Series

Sure, they may have lost 91 games, but somehow I think they've still got a shot.