You say goodbye, I say hello

March 2006:
"Steven, we really liked your column. Would you be interested in writing one for us every week? We’re thinking of calling it Sandberg On Sports..."

How could I have ever imagined the amazing future I had in store?

It seems like such a long time ago that I was sitting in my freshman dorm at Gonzaga reading those words. I had recently watched the 2006 Gonzaga Bulldogs drop a heartbreaker to UCLA in the Sweet Sixteen, and wrote a column about the mood in my dorm. I submitted it to the school paper, “The Gonzaga Bulletin,” and they liked it so much they brought me on board full-time.

At first I was just happy to be providing a different perspective within the pages of the newspaper, and wrote about things like why April is a good month for baseball, or Andre Agassi’s final match. But as I grew older and became more involved with the school, I started to use my space to highlight or comment on things that mattered to people. At the beginning of my third year, my former editor, Tim Bross, challenged me to dive in and take a stand on important topics instead of sitting on the sidelines. If something needed criticizing, then criticize it, but if something was worthy of praise, praise it. As a result, I became a better writer, because through my work after Tim’s challenge I realized that a good columnist can’t be a blatant homer or overly-critical; they just need to write how they truly feel. No gimmicks, no phoned-in topics, no attempts to stir up controversy; just write what you really mean, and mean what you say.

That column became my identity; a large part of who I was. Other students got involved with Gonzaga by joining service groups, devoting themselves to their studies, or other activities. I got involved by commenting on Gonzaga through the lens of sports, and having those thoughts printed in the student newspaper. There were always stories to tell, people who deserved recognition, or acts that should be praised or condemned, and my goal was to use my column to help the Gonzaga community by allowing it to be aware of these stories.

I thought Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis deserved a second chance. I thought that the women’s basketball team’s response to Rachel Kane’s knee injury was inspiring. I thought that certain actions by some students in the Kennel Club were getting out of line. People may not have always agreed with me, but that’s not the point. My goal was to use my opinion in order to get others to look around and decide for themselves.

At Gonzaga, my column helped define me.

As I began this summer 2009, I hadn’t been a full-time columnist in over a year. This Web site, which had been used for republishing my columns from the Bulletin, had gone largely unused for quite some time. But as the days of summer rolled on, and my search for a television reporter job took longer and longer, I found myself feeling empty inside. As each day went by without a job offer, I became more and more frustrated. I needed something to help fill the void I was feeling during this transitional period of my life.

So that’s when I starting writing again. My columns became a blog. And I realized how much I missed doing this.

Days, weeks, and months went by without a job, but I wasn’t as disheartened as I was before, because I had devoted myself to this blog, trying to make it the best that it could be. My blog became a sanctuary for me during a time when so many things were still uncertain in my life. With every post, column, or anecdote, I was having a blast, and it was all coming back to me how important my sportswriting was to the kind of person that I am. With a sense of purpose, I pushed on, trying to write something every day, but more importantly, having fun with it all. Writing here for the past few months helped me find some peace, and was an outlet for my creativity during a time when I needed it most. I’ve had so much fun.

But sometimes life gives you a pitch you weren’t expecting: I finally found a reporter job.

I was recently hired to be a news reporter for KDRV Newswatch 12 in Medford, Ore., and I couldn’t be more excited. After months of searching, I’ve finally found a job, and I’ve finally become a reporter (for the record, it’s in NEWS, not SPORTS. You don’t know how many times I’ve had to clear that one up with friends and relatives. And yes, I do know things that aren’t sports-related). I’m going to be moving to Medford soon, and within a few months my fiancé will finish her student-teaching and join me there, when my professional and personal lives will finally come together and I begin a new life.

It’s everything I’ve wanted, but with a drawback. A full-time reporting gig in a new city plus wedding plans and future marriage doesn’t leave me much time for blogging.

Unfortunately, this site is going to take a bit of a hit.

Wait! Don’t take me off your bookmarks just yet! And don’t stop checking for updates! I’m not stepping out of the game completely, but there is going to be a significant drop-off in the amount that I write. With a job and a burgeoning new life, I won’t be able to write as frequently as I used to.

Invariably in life, things change. It’s a part of growing up. For me, I’m starting a career and, soon, a family. I’m going to devote myself completely to those things. That means that other aspects of my life, including my writing for this blog, are going to change.

That being said, I want to let you know that I am determined to continue with this site, even in a small way. I may only write once a week or less, but I am still going to write. My tone, subject matter, and excitement won’t change one bit, only the frequency of my updates.

As Tom Hudson confusingly once said “I’m saying so long. But I’m still going to be around.”


So now I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to the people who helped me achieve all the success I’ve had, both in television and in sportswriting.

First, this Web site wouldn’t even be here without Travis Lucian, who encouraged me to cut costs by taking my stuff to Blogspot instead of wasting money on a domain name. I owe you big time, buddy.

To all of GUTV, for giving me the best four years of my life working in that studio. Dan Garrity, thanks for always believing in me despite all the odds. Phil Taylor, thank you so much for all of the perspective and insight you gave me when I was sitting in your office. Mike Lavelle, thanks for pushing to get more basketball games for the GUTV remote crew. And a big thanks to all of the shooters I’ve worked with, who made me look good enough to get a job. James Churchill, Nate Coombs, Sebastian Robertson, Dee Phillips, Dave Heil, Brad Gowing (WSU), Megan McGovern, and more.

To Tony Schick, whose passion for journalism is unmatched. We used to joke that the two of us were like Woodward and Bernstein, but really he was both wrapped up into one package.

To Kevin O’Brien, a constant source of inspiration and laughs. Working with you this summer was definitely a highlight. You’re one of the most talented writers I have ever had the privilege of working with. In Tony’s words “your sensual eloquence makes readers blow a load.”

To Tom Miller, Susan English, and John Kafentzis, whose advice and copy editing skills I’ve sorely missed since I’ve graduated.

To Dave and Ben of Blazer’s Edge. You write my favorite blog on the Web, and seeing you link to my Pargo article was one of my biggest thrills of the summer.

To my parents, who have read every single one of my columns since I was in high school, and always encouraged me to try for new heights. It meant so much to me, because I couldn’t have done it without your love and support.

To my fiancé Amanda, who listened over the phone as I read her the rough drafts of all my columns. Whenever I couldn’t find the right word to finish a thought, you could always find one for me. I can’t thank you enough for sticking by me despite all my madness.

And finally, I have to thank You, my readers. Your support and enthusiasm for my work continually inspired me to be my best. In the past, I had always joked that I had “about three or four” devoted readers, while secretly knowing that I had less than that. But these past few months, I was shocked at the response this blog was getting. Sure, compared to other blogs it was small, but to me, seeing people comment on articles or send me Facebook messages about a post meant the world. I couldn’t have done all of this without you, my readers. Thank you.

Now, if you’ve read this entire piece, then you’ll know that there’s no way I could ever tear myself away completely from my sportswriting. After all, it is a huge part of who I am. So I’ll still be around. I may not be here as often as I’ve been these past few months, but I’ll still be here. It just means that there may be a wider gap between posts. Still, I won’t let it change me, or what I’ve strived to do here since June. The circumstances may be changing, but it won’t change who I am.

I have no idea what the future has in store, but I look forward to seeing it all unfold as I enter the next phase in my life, and I hope you will all follow along with me. As my journalism professor Tom Miller says: "Stay tuned."

The Brady-Kolber interview: How to create an awkward situation

By now everyone has seen the infamous video of ESPN sideline reporter Suzy Kolber vainly trying to catch a postgame interview with a disinterested Tom Brady after the Patriots defeated the Bills on Monday Night Football. What you may not know is what contributed behind the scenes to make that awkward situation happen.

In my years at GUTV, I had the opportunity to work as a sideline reporter on a few occasions (even despite my lack of blond hair or attractive features). I've also worked in the production trucks for sports telecasts with ESPN and KHQ (Spokane). And I can tell you, postgame interviews in a sports broadcast require the coordination of everybody - the reporter, the producer, the director, the athlete, and the play-by-play announcer. It's a tough situation, because if any one of those people screw up, the interview is ruined.

Let's take a look at the Kolber/Brady interview, and break it down Hubie Brown-style:


0:00 - All right, our analysis begins before the video even starts. In a live sports broadcast, the decision on who will be interviewed after the game is made by the producer with several minutes to go. The producer picks the player of the game, and informs sideline reporter, so he/she (in this case, she) can prepare her questions. The director is told of this decision, that way he knows who to search for with the dozens of cameras in the stadium. This decision is forwarded to the play-by-play announcer, who then will know how to segue into the interview. Ok, roll it.

0:02 - OK pause it! See, here we see Suzy Kolber approaching Tom Brady, obviously not having arranged the interview with him yet. Normally, in this situation, the director will have a camera spying Suzy and Tom the whole time, that way, once it's clear that Tom's ready to answer her questions, the director can cut to the 2-shot. The director jumped the gun, and showed Suzy following an oblivious Brady to a national audience. Roll it.

0:04 - Stop! Now someone else is leaving Kolber out to dry, and it's either the producer or the play-by-play man Mike Tirico. As we see that Kolber still doesn't have the interview yet, Tirico tosses it over to her anyway, saying "Suzy Kolber, live with Tom Brady! Take it away Suze!" What should normally happen here, is that, once the director confirms that Suzy is ready with Tom, the producer tells Tirico to toss it down. Either the producer told Tirico too early, or Tirico himself ran out of things to say and immediately sent it down.

0:10 - Now here's the next misstep. On live TV, we've turned on Suzy's microphone, where a national audience can hear her yelling "Tom! Tom!" and being ignored. This goes on for several excruciating seconds. This is on the director and producer. When they saw that Suzy still didn't have the interview, they could have bailed, cut her mic, and sent it back to Tirico. But instead, they stuck around to see what would happen next. So did the rest of us.

0:14 - After pretending to not hear Suzy, Tom finally attempts to brush her off by saying "I'm going in. I'm going in," and jogging toward the locker room. The next decision for Kolber is a catch-22 that will be broadcast live to millions of people. If she realizes that Tom won't talk and gives up, she'll be viewed as a weak sideline reporter, and her dissing will be seen across the country. But if she tried to play catch up and still get an interview, she'll be viewed as pestering Tom Brady. In the end, Suzy chooses option B. Again, we've been watching on national TV for a good 20 seconds and the situation is only getting more awkward. The director, rather than saying "go to camera 3," instead gets some popcorn and continues watching the train wreck.

0:21 - Tom keeps his stride and heads toward the locker room, saying that it's so loud that he can't hear the question. I don't want to put too much fault on Tom Brady at the beginning of this thing, because as it turns out he had already said earlier that day that he didn't want to be interviewed after the game. Plus, he had no way of knowing that this was all going out live. However, as she continued to ask the question, it dawned on him that this was live TV. Still instead of stopping for 5 seconds to spout a meaningless cliche, he still attempted to head toward the locker room, hoping that Suzy would give up. This part of the awkward situation falls on Tom Brady's shoulders.

0:32 - What a block of the cameraman! You don't draw it up any better that that! The cameraman is blocked! All he can do is give us a wide shot! Suzy's on her own! Can she pull it off???

0:35 - He said something! Something we've heard every athlete say a thousand times before!

So Suzy Kolber, ESPN, and the production staff, was it all worth it? 38 seconds of awkward, bad TV, in order to get nothing out of it (except comedy, of course).

Sideline reporting is a surprisingly tough, but often meaningless job, and every once in a while you get a situation like this. But in these situations it takes everyone working together to screw it up. The director, producer, and play-by-play man are all involved, but it's only the people on camera who take the flak. In this case, it was very much the production crew's fault as much as it was Suzy and Tom's.

Blazers are partying like its 1995

That's right, Juwan Howard, star of the Michigan Fab Five teams of the early 90s, is officially a Blazer. No word yet on whether Jimmy King or Jalen Rose will be signed to the final roster spot.

Howard will be filling the Channing Frye role of "big man who can't rebound," albeit with less personality.

Today's signing got me thinking of the Blazer teams of the early 00s, who had a knack for signing aging superstars who were years past their prime. The Blazers of 2000-01 fielded a roster that included Scottie Pippen, Shawn Kemp, Rod Strickland, Detlef Schrempf, Damon Stoudamire, Stacy Augmon, and Steve Smith. All of them were great players ... before they joined the Blazers. By that year, they were either aging veterans with little left in the tank (Augmon, Strickland), on the downswing of their careers (Pippen, Stoudamire, Smith), or legendary examples of a superstar who wasted his talent (Kemp). I remember saying to my friends "man, imagine if this team was together in 1995? They would be unstoppable!"

The Howard signing today makes me realize just how many of the great mid-90s players played for the Blazers at one time or another. It's just too bad none of them played here at the top of their game.

That's why I'm pulling for a Juwan Howard Comeback Tour, 09-10!

Juwan, don't go quietly into that good night, like so many others before you! This is your chance to reassert yourself as the superstar you once were! Make the most of this final opportunity! Exclamation points!!!

The mid-90s will always be my most memorable era of the NBA. Growing up in the 90s, my friends and I collected so many basketball cards that I could look at a picture of a player from 15 years ago and tell you exactly who he was. Names like Grant Long, Carl Herrera, and Todd Day are still familiar to me (and yes, we still thought they sucked even back then). And to this day, I still have a soft spot for the superstars of the mid-90s. The leading scorers, the all-stars with cactus uniforms, the cast of NBA Jam for Super NES, those were the biggest names of an era.

Believe it or not, Juwan Howard is one of the few remaining links to the superstars of the mid-90s, even if he is a shell of the player he once was. There's only a handful of those players left in the league.

So Juwan Howard, I'm pulling for your comeback. Bring a little of that 90s talent back to the league as it approaches a new decade. Make every night Turn-Back-The-Clock Night, and give a little nostalgia to those of us who have an old book full of worthless 90s NBA trading cards. Do it for all the people who saw you team with Chris Webber and Gheorghe Muresan on the Bullets.

Better yet, why don't you bring back big Gheorghe with you? We could also get Muggsy Bougues, and Loy Vaught, and Jamal Mashburn, and Dino Radja, and Penny Hardaway, and Glenn Robinson, and ...

Weekly Sportscamp - September 16

-Sorry for the week's layoff. Multiple things have come up in my professional life (more on those later) that have forced me to take the past week off. During that time, I witnessed a fight over a bicycle at a bar downtown (somebody stole a bike, then rode it around the same block three times and allowed the owner to catch up to him), I attempted to grow a Rudy Fernandez beard (unsuccessfully), and was once again beaten by my dad at tennis (he's crafty). Let's catch up on what we missed in the past week.

-Fire Joe Morgan was back, and guest-edited Deadspin today. You won't have more fun reading someone deconstruct poorly-written sports columns. God, I missed these guys.

-Yesterday, ESPN columnists chose to rag on things I enjoy. Greg Easterbrook said The Dark Knight was an awful movie (some people just have no fun), and Paul Shirley, the musical connoisseur that he is, said The Beatles were "simple." Next week, Marc Stein makes a crack at freshly ironed shirts, and Jamele Hill compares Apple Pie to Japanese internment camps.

-Rumor has it that John Stockton's son, David, is walking-on to the Gonzaga men's basketball team. No word yet on whether this will make John actually smile for once.

-The Blazers signed Jeff Pendergraph to a three year deal. Pendergraph, if you remember, just underwent hip surgery and will be sidelined the entire 09-10 season. Years 2 and 3 are unguaranteed. Year 2 becomes guaranteed if Pendergraph plays in at least 10 games this season, something that is unlikely to happen. This is an example of the Blazers covering themselves in case the injury is worse than it appears, or as Paul Allen calls it "The Darius Miles Corollary."

-In sadder news, NCAA president Myles Brand passed away today after losing his fight with pancreatic cancer.

I was lucky enough to interview Mr. Brand once for a Gonzaga Bulletin article, and I was very surprised that he actually got back to me. This was the President of the entire NCAA, and yet he took the time to answer every one of my questions on the recent release of NCAA Graduation Success rates, a subject he seemed very proud of.

One of Brand's biggest goals was to improve the graduation rates of student-athletes, something he set out to do through the Academic Performance Program, which rewarded or punished schools based on graduation rates. It was his effort to let it be known that these student-athletes were there to do more than just play a sport, and that schools and the NCAA needed to do everything they could to help these young men and women graduate. He had set a goal of an 80 percent graduation rate for all Division-I athletes, and last fall the recent results showed that they had reached 79 percent.

At the time, Brand said he was pleased with the results, but not satisfied. He recognized that there was still work to be done with individual sports that were struggling, and that the NCAA shouldn't stop in this effort to help all of its student athletes succeed in the classroom.

He had the perfect mindset for student-athlete academic success, and a great vision. I hope that whoever takes over the job can continue the great things that Brand had started.

The Beatles and Sports: Combining two loves

In honor of today's re-release of the entire Beatles catalogue on remastered CD, I thought I'd take a moment to pay tribute to the world's most famous band.

I grew up listening to The Beatles' music, and they have inspired my creativity on many occasions. During the past few years at Gonzaga working at GUTV, I managed to put a little Beatles influence into some of the sports coverage.

First up is the intro to GUTV's broadcast of Gonzaga women's basketball, set to the tune of - appropriately - "Hey Bulldog." I think it's a very underrated, rockin' song, and I had always wanted to use it in some fashion. With our basketball broadcasts, I finally got that opportunity.



Next up, the open for a Gonzaga Baseball broadcast, in which I used "Tomorrow Never Knows." The intro and first few bars of that song are so unique; it's in one chord the whole time, and yet The Beatles managed to get an incredible sound out of it. John Lennon's vocals are so haunting on it, and even though the song entirely wouldn't make sense in a baseball open, I knew I wanted some snippet of John's voice. I convinced play-by-play man Travis Lucian to include the word "shine" at the end of a sentence, and everything came together. The ominous tone of the song worked perfectly with the storyline of the game - the sense of desperation from the fading Bulldogs.



It just shows that The Beatles' music is universal; it even works perfectly with the sports teams of a private college in Washington.

Weekly Sportscamp - September 8

-According to the Portland Trail Blazers, Jeff Pendergraph is going to need hip surgery and will miss most of the 2009-10 season. Please feel free to use obligatory "I was sure the first Blazer with hip surgery would've been Greg Oden" joke here.

Now, if they had just drafted David Pendergraft instead, they might have avoided all of this.

-If you would've asked me for the most random football-related headline heading into this season, I never would have come up with anything as crazy as "Shawne Merriman attacks Tila Tequila." Seriously, you couldn't have picked two more random people to be listed in a domestic dispute.

Although this is starting to make me think that her reality show where she searches for love was all a sham. I didn't see Merriman as a contestant...

-Every once in a while, Kevin O'Brien manages to sneak some Internet time and post something new about the San Francisco Giants at "Remember '51." This week it's about Giants' closer Brian Wilson (who, in addition to holding down the 9th inning for SF, also wrote some great songs for the Beach Boys).

-A reminder by the Gonzaga Bulletin's Zach Stratton that, at Gonzaga, there are other successful sports besides men's basketball, and they should be supported with the same fervor. Amen. Women's basketball, baseball, and both soccer teams have consistently been at the top of the WCC for years, so they deserve to play in front of packed crowds, too.

-What's creepier, Jay Mariotti calling the sunshine at a USC game "orgasmic" or Alex Trebek looking at three Teen Jeopardy contestants and remarking "so young ... so young..."? (true story)

-At a speech in Philadelphia, Michael Vick told high school students to avoid peer pressure. He "warned against the dangers of peer pressure and offered himself as a cautionary tale of what can happen when someone is a follower instead of a leader."

It's a wonderful sentiment, until you remember that Vick was convicted of "organizing" and bankrolling the dogfighting ring. Usually the guy who organizes something is the leader, not a follower.

Vick said: "I was influenced by so many people when I should have been a leader, not a follower."

Mike, you were the leader. Don't blame peer pressure, blame yourself.

Oudin shows why we love sports

She's toppled one big name after another at the U.S. Open, and she's only 17 years old. She's battled back from losing early sets and has shown the intelligence, strength and fortitude to make improbably comebacks, continuing the most unlikely story of this whole tournament. In doing so, she's become the darling of the tennis world, and has the entire country rooting for her.

In short, Melanie Oudin is the best story in sports.

She's been the little tennis player that could; defeating Elena Dementieva, Maria Sharapova, and Nadia Petrova in the last three matches. And through it all, the girl from Georgia has kept fans riveted with her outstanding play, her Cinderella run, and a personality that goes from fiery during the match to bubbly after each win.

In a U.S. Open where the big name, seeded players are dropping like flies, Oudin has been the spark that has kept fans coming. And why not: here is a player who is charismatic, determined, and - frankly - a good tennis player. The fact that she's doing all of this despite all the odds against it just makes her story even more special.

Sports fans are suckers for underdogs. We cheered when Y.E. Yang defeated Tiger Woods at the PGA Championship. We enjoyed seeing the New York Giants put an end to the New England Patriots' perfect season in the Super Bowl. But Oudin is different; watching her play pulls you in more than anything else ever could. She's just a 17-year-old girl out there by herself, playing her heart out, with no one to rely on but herself. You can see her emotions and feel her determination. You watch in anticipation each time the ball is served, and get caught up in her reaction to every point. And when she finally does win the match, and explodes into a huge smile, you can't help but smile with her.

There's an innocence about Oudin that is making people connect with her. She's not a big name, doesn't have large-scale endorsements, and was virtually unknown until recently. She smiles and cheers when she wins, even acting shocked afterward while searching for words to describe her improbable run. When she says to the fans "thank you so much for cheering for me!" you know how much all of this means to her. She's just your average teenage girl who happens to be beating the best tennis players in the world, and it's like rooting for your sister or your daughter every time she takes the court.

She's on a roll, and fans are finding themselves rolling along with her.

Because in Melanie Oudin, fans are seeing all of the great things that sports can bring. There are many underdog stories out there, but only the best underdogs can make people so emotionally invested. Oudin's run is reminding us of the joy of watching an unknown succeed on talent, will and moxie, despite overwhelming odds. We can relate to her. We're inspired by the heart she has shown and the excitement she's displayed along with it.

We watch sports in order to see people succeed because of hard work and perseverance. It shows us that sometimes heart and willpower can triumph in the face of a seemingly impossible situation. Watching this excited young talent Oudin appreciate the significance of her success makes you pull for her even more.

Oudin is now in the quarterfinals, and there will be plenty of challenges ahead if she wants to continue her storybook run through the U.S. Open. There will be tougher, more seasoned opponents who won't want to lose to a 17-year-old, and the road will only be harder from here on out. But still, you can't help but feel like Oudin could pull it off, even if all logic says it won't happen. That's the beauty of her success: Watching Oudin's run, it makes you believe that anything is possible.

Get the hell off my air!

Imagine having a conversation with your friends about sports. Maybe you guys are hanging out at a bar, having a good time, and enjoying the debate back and forth. Nothing gets too heated, because you all know how each other thinks anyway, so you enjoy the company and take part in the banter.

Then, another random bar patron butts into the conversation, completely unannounced. You don't know him, you've never met him, but something you guys have said completely set him off.

"Man, the only good team in the PAC-10 is USC. Trojans, baby! Wooo!"

You look around at your buddies, wondering how this douchebag got involved. "Yeah, cool man. Whatever..."

These type of people are regular callers to sports talk radio.

No one cares what they think, and 99 percent of the time what they have to say isn't at all original or relevant. Yet, for some reason, these people feel compelled to make their voices heard over the airways of sports radio.

The truth is, nobody cares, guys.

Callers are an overabundant annoyance in an already annoying medium. Sports talk radio is basically one show after the other in which the host or hosts sit there and spew their opinions on the world of sports. Sometimes they're entertaining, sometimes they're obnoxious, sometimes they just stir up unnecessary controversy. But its a medium that has its followers, and people love to hear about sports.

When the hosts open up the phone lines, however, is when things get unbearable. People call in, and are often more misinformed than the hosts, and a whole lot less interesting or charismatic. As soon as the host says "let's go to the phones" it makes you want to switch stations, just to avoid the rambling, unoriginal thoughts that are about to fill the airwaves. The warning lights go on in your head, as you hear yet another caller begin by saying "Yeah, um, listen, about this whole Brett Favre thing ... I think it's really stupid, and um ... he should stay retired." It's embarrassing for me as a listener, hearing how bad these callers are. And yet, they're a staple of the show, often on for large chunks of time!

After listening to enough sports talk, you begin to notice that there are three types of callers, each of whom clutter the airwaves in their own unique way:

The Nervous Guy - Maybe he actually had something important to say when he dialed the phone number, but we'll never know. As he is put on hold, his heart is pounding so fast he can't think straight, and by the time he is put on the air, the sudden realization has rendered coherent thought impossible for him. So he stumbles through a sentence or two, utters a lot of "um's", takes too long to get to his point and doesn't add anything to the conversation. The host usually responds with shorts pause "... OK thanks caller," and moves on quickly.

The Pranksters - These are the same type of people who laugh at their own jokes. They'll call in, pretending to be a real caller, wait until they're on the air, and then try to say something like "I have a huge penis" before they get cut off by the annoyed host. Then they laugh their asses off with their buddies before taking another hit off the bong.

The Lifers - These guys truly believe that their calls are a regular part of the programming schedule. They're usually unemployed, allowing them to spend their entire day listening to the show and waiting for the right moment to call in. Lacking any sort of social life or real friends to talk sports with, these guys calls into the show every day - sometimes more than once - to give his thoughts on the day's sports news. Sometimes they will even give themselves clever nicknames so that they can be easily identified, things like "Kool-Aid Guy" or "Mike from up North." Deep down inside, these people think that they're friends with these hosts they've never met, the same way that World of Warcraft players think that they're best friends with their guild of elves.

Sports talk radio is driven by talk, so taking callers kills time and makes things easier on the host. But in the end, the callers seem unnecessary.

Listeners are tuning in to listen to the opinions of the host, not the ramblings of Joe From The Beach. Callers usually only get about a minute to speak, which doesn't leave a lot of time to give an informed opinion. And the callers are never used to spark or continue a conversation, only to fill time before the next commercial break. We'll get a little stuttering from the Nervous Guy, an attempted joke from a Prankster (who always manages to get past the screeners) and the expected daily call from the Lifer, and by the end of it, the host thinks "another day down, let's do it all again tomorrow."

Does anyone remember a time where a caller made everyone stop and say "I never thought of that?" Of course not, because in a medium that is driven by 24/7 talk, all of the angles of a particular issue have already been addressed by the host, leaving callers to only be able to repeat the same things over and over. Anyone who actually has anything interesting to say has the good sense to bring it up with their friends, instead of wasting their time for 30 seconds on the radio.

Just because you posses the ability to call in to a sports radio show doesn't mean you posses the ability to be intelligent or entertaining. If you don't have anything original to say, then it's best for all of us if you don't say anything at all.

What a difference a day makes

Remember all of that excitement yesterday about the Oregon Ducks opening the college football season on national TV?

It seems like a long time ago, after last night's game.

The Ducks had the entire country watching them as they kicked off the college football season, and the game went in the worst possible way. I'm not just talking about a pathetic, uninspired loss to Boise State - although that was sufficiently embarrassing to Duck-faithful - because a simple loss would've only meant that fans across the country would ignore the Ducks. "Oh, they're not very good. Let's just forget about them." Just losing to Boise State would only lead to apathy and obscurity.

But Murphy's law decided to kick in. Whatever could've gone wrong, did.

Zero points and zero first downs in the first half. It was so pathetic, even Lou Holtz and was slurring jokes about the Ducks at halftime on ESPN. But as if the poor performance on the field wasn't enough, the post game was even worse.

Ducks' running back LeGarrette Blount, who had promised an "ass-whooping" before the game, suckerpunched a Bronco player in the face as the teams left the field. Yes, the Boise State player was taunting Blount and even smacked his shoulder pads, but Blount went too far and reacted like a pissed off little kid. He punched the player in the face when he wasn't looking, and then had to be restrained from going after fans as he was pulled kicking and screaming off the field by teammates and coaches.

What should have been apathy and obscurity after the game turned into a feeling of disgust. Now, instead of being ignored by fans and the media, Oregon is still in the spotlight, only this time it is for Blount's punch and poor sportsmanship. The punch is being replayed non-stop on TV, sports columnists are calling for Blount to be kicked off the team, and Oregon is being used as an example of the poor sportsmanship in college football.

The eyes are still on Oregon, but in a worse way than anyone had anticipated.

For an entire state of fans that had put their hearts into that opening game, this is the most embarrassing situation they could've endured. The Ducks disrespected the entire state of Oregon in front of a national TV audience with their performance and their actions. And it's not going to be easily forgotten.

Blount needs to be dealt with, whether that's by suspending him or kicking him off the team. His actions embarrassed himself, his team, his university, and his state. I know he was emotional after the loss, and that the Bronco player was taunting him. But you can't punch him in the face on national TV; no good could've come of that. You yell back, you shove him, you do anything except land a right jab on the guy's chin. And with multiple ESPN cameras on the incident, it meant that the replays on national television and the Internet won't end. Oregon has no choice but to discipline Blount severely, if only to save face nationally. They need to send a message that Blount's childish actions do not belong on that team and at that school.

But I fear that the damage has already been done. Every ounce of excitement that had surrounded the Ducks from fans and media has now been replaced by disgust and embarrassment. While yesterday fans couldn't wait until the Ducks opened the season, now those same fans are looking for a hole to crawl into and hide. In a span of less than 24 hours, all the feelings about the Ducks season have taken a complete 180. To lose like the Ducks did was bad enough. To have a player turn your team into a national punchline is even worse.

Yesterday, I said that deep down, we were all Ducks. Today, there's not a speck of green in sight.

Today, Oregon has its Ducks in a row

Apparently something big is happening today, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Let's head to Facebook and see what my friends are saying.

"For the first time in seven years I'm thinking of rooting for the Ducks."

"Big day today ... LET'S GO DUCKS!!!"

"Ducks by two scores at least."

"Ducks will run wild on the blue turf."

"I love the Ducks!"

"It's about time; I've been having withdrawls. Go Ducks!"

"DUCKS."

Oh.

Yes, The Oregon Ducks take the field today to open the college football season, when they take on Boise State on the Smurf Turf. And right now, as the hours tick away before the game, the hype is reaching a fever pitch.

Radio stations have been talking Ducks all week. The Oregonian put out a special College football preview section today that rivals the one they make for the Blazers. Fans across the state are pumped for the game, to see how well Oregon plays on the national stage, to see if the Ducks can get revenge on the Broncos after the loss at Autzen, and to finally see Oregon football take the field again.

The suspense is terrible ... I hope it'll last.

College football in the state of Oregon has always drawn fans to one side or the other. You're either with the Ducks or the Beavers (and no, Portland State, you aren't in the picture. But isn't it adorable that you have a football team just like a real school!). Because of this division, rooting for both teams is strictly not allowed, and no Duck or Beaver fan would be caught dead rooting for their in-state rival.

But today, with this Oregon matchup, you're starting to sense something different. Although no Oregon State fan will ever admit it, they're feeling a little excited inside for tonight's Ducks game, too.

It's because the excitement for this game tonight is sweeping across the entire state. A college football team from the state of Oregon is headlining the start of college football season by playing on national TV. People across the country, looking for their college football fix on opening night, will tune in and watch the Oregon Ducks play. This is big, and Beavers fans are getting wrapped up in it, too.

Sports teams in the state of Oregon have always suffered from Small-State Syndrome. It's not a big market, and therefore fans feel like their teams don't get the credit they deserve when things are going well. The USCs and Notre Dames of the college football world will always get the attention and publicity, while teams like the Ducks and Beavers, even if they are at the top of the PAC-10 and beating those big-time programs, don't get that same level of nationwide notoriety. Beavers and Ducks hate each other, but they both feel like they get the short end of the stick because of their location in "Orah-Gone."

So to see one of the state of Oregon's teams headline college football opening night is something that electrifies the entire state, from Portland to Eugene to Medford, and yes, even to Corvallis. A team from Oregon will have the eyes of viewers from across the country on them tonight, which means the entire state of Oregon is gaining attention as well. The state is excited to see one of its teams in prime position to flourish on the national stage.

Naturally, Beavers fans won't ever admit this, and I don't blame them. But inside, part of them understands that tonight isn't about school rivalry. There will be time for that tomorrow and in the coming months. Tonight, though, is about the state of Oregon being at the forefront of the college football world. The Ducks carry the support of the entire state with them into Boise tonight.

The rivalries will always remain, as they should, but when one team from Oregon gets the national spotlight, they find support from all over the state, even in the hearts of their rivals. The same thing happened last season when Oregon State defeated USC - even Duck fans couldn't help but smile that a power program was taken down by a team from Oregon.

A win is expected for the Ducks, and therefore won't give any more national cred to the U of O program, but a dominant showing in a win gets the name "Oregon" into the minds of college football fans across the country tomorrow. If that happens, you can't help but think of the other programs in the state, too.

There will be bigger matchups, and better games this season. Tonight, the excitement felt around the state isn't for the matchup against a team from the WAC, it's for the return of college football, with a team from Oregon leading the charge.

Tomorrow, Oregon and Oregon State can go back to hating each other. But tonight, as Oregon takes the field and rings in a new year of college football, deep down inside, we're all Ducks.